mamapranayama | Lux Et Tenebris, Part IV

Title: Lux et Tenebris
Author: Mamapranayama
Fandom: Sanctuary
Rating: Teen
Characters: Will, Helen
Pairings: none, for now
Summary: After an abnormal attacks, Will's resolve and friendship with Magnus is put to the test.

Part IV

“One, two, three, four, five, six....hallway. Right turn. Good. Keep counting.”

Will paused and took a deep sigh. “Do I have to count it out loud?”

“Yes. It will help you to remember.”

“Fine.” He grumbled, taking a step he counted as he walked forward, gripping Magnus' hand tight as if letting go would mean he would be hopelessly lost. “One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven.”

Okay, stop.” She ordered. Will did as he was instructed. “Now turn right, there's the door right in front of you.” Will turned and reached out, stepping forward a little until his hand made contact with the smooth wood.

“We're here. Now tell me how we got here, remember the steps.”

Will threw his head back and sighed again, thinking back

“C'mon, I know you remember.” She prodded him.

“We took ten steps from my door to the right, Ahhh, um...” He strained to recall. “Sixteen steps to the left down the hallway, then right to the next hall, seventeen steps then turn right, six steps forward to the hallway and eleven steps to this door.”

“Perfect. I think you have it now.”

“Great.” He breathed sarcastically. “I can now make it from my room to the dining room, do I get a cookie now?”

“Don't be discouraged, Will. It's going to take some time. You've already learned the routes to the kitchen, Henry's lab and my office all in one go. I'd say you're doing quite well for our first day.” She opened the door for him and tugged him gently to lead him inside. “Come, let's have a little break. Tea should be ready.”

He followed Magnus into the dining room and she let go of his hand. “Uh, Magnus?”

“We're in the dining room, Will. You've been in here many, many times, tell me how the room's laid out.”

“Well, there's the table with eight chairs around it, china cabinet in the corner and the door to the lounge is at the back to the right.”

“Good. Think it in your head and follow me to the lounge.”

Will stood still at her suggestion, knowing that even with a mental picture of the room in his head, he would most likely run into the nearest chair and make a fool out of himself.

“C'mon then, tea's getting cold.” She cajoled him, walking to the door to the lounge and opening it, watching him as he took his first tentative step. Will tried to picture the room in his mind and found the way to the door with somewhat ease, even as his hip bumped into one of the chairs on the way he still managed to find the door with Magnus beside it.

“There. That wasn't so hard, was it?”

Will hated this. They had spent the entire afternoon walking all over the place when he would have rather have stayed in bed. Magnus had been insistent though and when she set her mind on a course of action, there wasn't any saying 'no' to her. However, he had to admit that learning to find a way around the enormous manor was a necessity he would have to endure. He walked into the lounge and then straight into the couch, cursing a little on the inside for not thinking about where he was going.

Helen took a seat on the sofa and was pleased to see the tea had already been set out on the coffee table for them as she had requested. She grabbed the pot, pouring each of them a cup. Will used his hands to guide himself along the edge of the couch cushions and slid into the spot beside of her.

“Here you are then.” She said, handing him the cup and saucer. He reached out for it and she placed it into his hand.

“Thanks.” He said taking a small sip. He wasn't much of a tea fan, but the warm liquid was refreshing.

“How's your foot?”

“Fine. Doesn't really hurt anymore.”

“Good.”

They were silent for a few moments as they both drank, but Will had the sinking suspicion that Magnus wanted to do more than just share a cup of tea with him and moments later she confirmed it.

“We need to talk, Will.” She began, setting down her tea cup and he groaned inwardly. “About yesterday....”

“I'm fine...really.” He tried to convince her, but on some level knew that he wasn't sounding very sincere.

“Will, you've been through something very traumatic and I know it can't be easy for you. You know you can talk to me, right?”

He set his cup onto the table then leaned back into the couch, crossing his arms across his chest as if in a protective manner. In some ways he wanted to open up to her, let her in on how he was feeling yet at the same time it seemed like an impossible thing for him to do. Last night he felt as though he would never be able to cry a single tear more and when he woke this morning he felt refreshed and better than he had in days, but now he was finding himself on the verge of yet another emotional outburst. As if that wasn't enough, he felt somewhat ashamed and embarrassed for breaking down in front of Magnus like he had and he didn't want it to happen again.

“You don't know what this is like.” He sighed barely managing to constrain his feelings of anger and grief.

“Perhaps not. But I have known quite a bit of loss over the course of the years.” She placed a reassuring hand on his knee. “But I've had to go on, watching friends grow old and die while I remain. Eventually, you learn to deal with the cards life has dealt you and take each day as it comes with a firm determination to see the next.”

Will took that in. Last night he had been on a precipice and convinced that life crippled with blindness would be impossible. But she was right, she had endured much over her extremely long lifespan, yet she was still as steadfastly resolved to greet each day as a new blessing. While she might not know what it is like to go blind, he could feel her sincere empathy and for once he felt that they shared a common pain. It may not make him feel like jumping for joy, but at least he didn't feel so alone. He grinned wryly and touched her hand still resting on his knee in a gesture of thanks.

“This must be the good 'ol British stiff upper lip speech, huh?”

“Don't discount it. Just who do you think gave Churchill that advice during the blitzkrieg?” She pointed out, teasing him slightly.

His grin widened a bit at that, her constant name-dropping lightening his attitude, it almost made him feel normal for a moment.

“Of course you did. I should have known.” He came back sarcastically. Helen couldn't help but smile seeing Will drawing closer to who he normally was, even his sarcasm was a welcome blessing.

He felt her hand wrap around his and give it a squeeze. “But seriously, Will. Don't let this defeat you...You're stronger than that.” He was somewhat surprised to find his own hand squeezing hers back, wishing he could believe that.

Helen let go of his hand and decided that now was as good a time as any to let him in on her plans for the evening.

“How would you like to join me for an evening out tonight? A violinist friend of mine gave me a couple of tickets for a symphony concert. I hadn't planned on using them, but I think it would do us both some good to get out of this place for a couple of hours.”

“A concert?....I don't know...” He groaned. “That's not really my thing.” He claimed, when all he could think about was how much he didn't want to go out in public. He had no idea what his eyes looked like, but he knew they had to look pretty bad and the last thing he wanted was for everyone see him like that.

“Don't worry. It will be fun. Be ready by seven o'clock sharp.”

XXXXXX

Henry rounded the corner, trying to juggle a six pack and his laptop in one hand as he walked. When he made it to the door, he gave a quick knock with his free hand and waited for an answer. He was worried at first that Will wasn't in, but when he heard the faint 'come in' he turned the knob and let himself in.

Not seeing Will at first, he called out to him. “Will?”

“In here.” Came his voice from the bathroom.

“Oh.” Henry saw that the door was open, so he walked in and dumped his laptop and beer on the bed and walked over to it.

“Hey, ya know it's Saturday and all and I'm all done with my system upgrades, so I was just thinking that we should hang-” and was surprised to see Will in just his boxers, holding a can of shaving cream while feeling around for his razor.

“What ya doin?”

“What does it look like I'm doing? I'm trying to shave, but I can't find my razor.” He came back in irritation.

“Here..I got it.” Henry stated as he found the razor at the other end of the sink and handed it to his friend.

Henry watched as Will lathered and spread the shaving cream over his face. He winced a little seeing Will apply the razor to his face and pulling at the stubble.

“You need any help?” He asked innocently enough, unprepared for Will's angry reaction.

“I've been shaving for long enough to know how to do this, okay?”

“Sorry, man. I just...ya know...”

Will sighed and paused in his shaving. “No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bite your head off. It's just that I feel like everyone's treating me like a child, you know what I mean?” Henry felt ashamed and conceded Will's point.

“I get it. I do.” He said. “So what's with the sprucing up?”

“Uhhggg. Magnus wants to take me to the symphony tonight. Truth be told, I'd rather sit around drinking beer with you, but she has her mind set on this.”

“Symphony? Dude... She tried to take to one of those things once. I fell asleep before the intermission.” He placed a sympathetic hand on Will's shoulder. “Sorry, Man.”

“Oh well, I guess it could be worse.” He finished up cleaning up his chin of hair and washed his face. He had to concede that Henry's help wasn't all that unwanted. “Did I get it all?” He asked of his friend.

“Let me see.” Henry stepped in closer and inspected his face. “Missed as spot by your ear, but I don't think anyone will notice.”

“Good enough for me.” Will grinned. Henry hadn't seen will smile since he came back from Brazil and the sight had him smiling as well. Magnus must have worked her charms on him.

“Damn. I was kinda hoping to share some of this Heineken with you.”

“Go drink it with Kate.” Will suggested.

“Kate?” Henry groaned. “She's the last person, I'd want to spend my night off with.”

Will had to grin a bit at that. He may not be able to see, but he wasn't too blind to notice the obvious attraction Henry had to their new team member and the way they bickered like an old married couple only confirmed it. Henry went on with his rant. “She's rude, crass, messy and above all, she has terrible taste in music.”

“Just like two peas in a pod.” Will muttered to himself.

“What?” Henry asked, barely catching what Will had said.

“Nothing. Go on-I'm sure she could use some company tonight. You know, keep her out of trouble.”

“Right. Like that's even possible.”

“Hey... could you do me a favor and grab my black suit out of the closet?” Will asked as he fumbled around for his toothbrush, finding it and loading it up with toothpaste.

“Sure.” Henry left the bathroom and went to the closet for the suit picking up a pair of dress shoes, socks and dress shirt along the way. He handed the shirt to Will first then hung the suit on the door hanger and placed the shoes by Will's feet.

“Need any help?” Henry asked. Will grumbled again.

“No. I can dress myself.”

“I'm doing it again, aren't I?”

“A little. But thanks anyway.”

“Well, I guess I'll go. See ya later.” Henry waved, forgetting that the gesture wasn't anything that Will could see. He grabbed his laptop and beer off of the bed and made for the door, stepping out only to run almost smack dab into Magnus.

“Whoa, Doc.” Henry couldn't help but gawk at the sight of her. On a normal day she was beautiful, but dressed to the nines with her hair up and face perfectly made-up, she looked stunning. “You look awesome.”

“Thank-you, Henry.”

“So, going to the symphony, eh?”

“Yes. Were you hoping to come along?” She asked with a twinkle in her eye, remembering Henry's snoring during the last concert she took him to.

“Oh gee. Ya know, that sounds like so much fun, but, uh...whoa, look at the time. I gotta go, I was going to hang out with Kate tonight.” He wanted to kick himself for saying that, but at least it was better than spending the night bored to tears.

“Good. Have a nice time.”

“Oh, I'm sure it'll be a blast.” He said, sounding somewhat defeated as he took off. Helen couldn't help but smile at his retreating back.

She again turned to the door and gave a knock. She heard the faint “come in” from within and opened the door. Will was still in the bathroom, dressed in only his dress slacks.

“I certainly hope that's not what you're wearing tonight.” She joked.

Will looked a little surprised to see he. “Magnus? Oh...” He blushed and quickly found his white undershirt and pulled it over his head. “I thought you were Henry again.”

“Sorry. I didn't mean to surprise you. I didn't know you weren't ready yet.”

“Uh..just give me a sec.” He hurried to close the bathroom door and put on the rest of his clothes and shoes. When he was finished, he walked out to the room where Helen stood waiting.

“Am I presentable now?” He grinned sheepishly.

“Much better.” She replied. “However, aren't you forgetting something?”

“Yeah. I need to get a tie.”

“I'll get you one.” She offered and went to his closet and picked out a smart, black silk one. She handed to him and he wrapped it around his neck, attempting to form the correct knot.

“This was a lot easier when I could see what I was doing.” He complained.

Helen stepped forward and took the tie from him. “Here, let me.”

She took over for him, tying the knot perfectly before cinching it up to Will's neck and folding the collars down over it. “There. That should do just nicely.”

“You know I just admonished Henry for trying to help me get dressed.”

“Not even men with the ability to see can tie a necktie the right way. I used to help my father with his all of the time. The man is a genius and a master surgeon, but he could not tie a knot to save himself.”

“He's not the only one. I wore clip-ons until I graduated from college. " He agreed while loosening the tie up just a bit where it constricted his throat a little too much. “I was just never a big fan of these things.”

“I for one think you look smashing and you clean up quite nicely.”

Will smiled a little at the compliment, but let his face fall remembering how he must truly look to others and once again he felt self-conscious and wanted out of their expedition to the symphony. He thought it strange how he never felt any fear before going all over the globe with Magnus, but one trip downtown and he was suddenly full of trepidation.

“What is it?” Magnus asked, seeing his concerned expression.

“It's...just that...”

“You're worried how you look to others?”

“Yeah. I guess I don't want to scare anyone or have them...you know-”

“I doubt you could scare anyone.” She pointed out before realizing how that must have sounded to him and when he pulled an feigned insulted face, she covered her slip by continuing. "Not that you can't be intimidating when the need arises, of course. Well, I for one think you will be just fine and to hell what others think. But if you want to be more comfortable, you could wear a pair of sunglasses.”

It wasn't a perfect solution and nothing quite pointed out that he was a blind man more than a pair of sunglasses worn in the dark, but at least he wouldn't disgust anyone with his appearance. He walked over to his nightstand, recalling that he had a pair in the top drawer of it. He felt around inside the drawer until he felt the plastic frames and pulled them out, placing them on his face.

Feeling a little more confident with them on, but still somewhat reluctant to go out, he swallowed his anxiety and when he felt Magnus' hand wrap around his arm, he allowed her to lead him out.

XXXXXX

The evening was fairly cool and Helen was glad for the warmth of the building as they entered the foyer to the auditorium. Will on the other hand was still on edge and felt as though he could feel the eyes of everyone on him. Worse still was having to be led around, holding tightly to Magnus' arm like a toddler to its mother.

“Looks like the concert shall be well attended tonight.” Magnus commented as throngs of people milled about before entering the auditorium proper. She caught several people staring at the two of them, but she ignored them and tugged on Will to guide him toward the doors and to their seats. Will had seemed uptight to her up until the point where they could sit down and he could let go of her arm.

Once in his seat, Will relaxed a little now that he no longer had to worry about stumbling around or fear tripping over unseen objects. He had never appreciated how much simpler just getting around was when he could see where he was going, it had been as natural as breathing abd he knew that sooner or later he would have to learn how to get by on his own without anyone like Magnus to lead him around.

“I do hope you enjoy this.” Magnus began as the orchestra began to tune up, the cacophony of the differing voices of the symphony filling the hall.

“I'll admit that classical music was never my favorite.”

“Well, it won't hurt to expand your musical horizons a little.”

“So what's playing tonight?” Will asked. Magnus pulled out her program.

“Well first there's the Elgar cello concerto in E minor followed by Vaughn Williams' Fantasia on a theme by Thomas Tallis then there's intermission and Dvorak's 8th symphony. I'm sure you will enjoy this.” She added. “I was at the London premier of Tallis Fantasia in 1910, it's a wonderful piece.”

Will was going to come back with a snide comment about how Magnus seemed to be present for just about everything in history when a hush fell over the auditorium and the orchestra quieted. A moment later the audience began to clap and he felt compelled to do the same, though he had no idea why he was clapping.

“What's going on?” Will had to whisper to Magnus in confusion after the applause subsided.

“The concertmaster has taken the stage, that is the first chair of the first violin section and he will lead the tuning of the symphony.”

“Didn't they already tune?”

“Well yes, but this is the formal tuning. After they have finished with the tuning, the conductor will take the stage, then the concert will begin.” As if on cue the orchestra tuned and then the audience began to clap again for the conductor as he took to the stage and bowed. Without the benefit of seeing what was going on, Will felt like someone involved with a religious ritual without knowing the motions that came with it and he tried his best to follow along.

The concert began with a cello concerto. To Will it was well played and had some nice parts to it, but it really wasn't his cup of tea and he clapped politely with the rest of the audience at the end. However the stirring melodies of the next piece triggered a memory deep within.

He must have been only six or seven years old when he heard it. His mother had been listening to it on the little turntable record player she would pull out occasionally and she had seemed so sad to him that he had crawled into her lap and looked up into her face to see tears welling up in her eyes.

“Why are you sad, mommy?” He had asked her.

“Because it's so beautiful and sometimes beautiful things can make you cry. But I'm not sad, sweetie, I just love this song, but not as much as I love you.” He remembered the warmth of her body as she hugged him and held him close as the strings played on.

Now he understood how she had felt then. The mellow tone of the viola and violin playing a meloncholy duet while the rest of the orchestra seemed to move underneath them in melodic phrases like waves lapping on the shore, was something he had never quite experienced before. He found a peace and a serenity from the memory it stirred, that feeling of safeness he felt with her that he wanted to capture and hold inside forever, but as the final chord faded away, he felt that calmness inside drifting off along with it and he was back to himself again. If anything, he felt a little empty afterward.

“You okay, Will?” Magnus asked, intruding in on his thoughts after the applause died down. “You seem a little distant there.”

“Uh...I'm fine.” He muttered.

“Alright.” She said, not entirely believing him. “It's intermission now. I need to used the restroom...do you need to...”

“Oh no.” He replied quickly not wanting to be led to the men's room. “I'll be fine here.”

“I'll be back in just a few minutes.” She said, getting up and carefully walking around the theatre seats to the walkway and out into the foyer where much of the audience milled around until the intermission was over. She was heading directly for the ladies room when a figure came walking towards her from the corner of her vision. Feeling a prickling feeling course up and down her spine, she spun around to see who it was stalking her.

She groaned audibly when she saw who it was heading for her with a sardonic smile gracing his lips.

She put her hands on her hips in frustration as he came to a stop in front of her. Why did he have to come and ruin a perfectly nice evening? She wondered.

“Well my, don't you look ravishing tonight, Helen.” He complimented her while the smile on his face grew.

“Nikola, what the hell are you doing here?”

TBC.....
( Lux Et Tenebris, Part V )