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A/N: Sorry for taking so long to write this chapter, it was a difficult one for me to write. Once again, thanks for all of your feedback, I really love hearing from everyone. :D
Part III
Helen sat on the roof watching the lights of the city sparkle down below. It was a view that normally calmed her and gave her a great sense of peace and allowed her thoughts to gather, but tonight she had found little solace here. After returning from the disastrous consult with Dr. Rauch, Will had gone to his room, wanting nothing but to be left alone, so she had come up to the roof to think. However, her persistent, gnawing guilt ate at her from the inside out, Will was blind and she shared a blame in that. He had been a wreck in the doctor's office, but had managed to pull himself together enough for them to get a good look at his eyes. She was haunted still by his look of anguish on his face and the silent tears that he shed when he first opened his lids and revealed the white scarred and cloudy eyes underneath, it was an image she would not be able to shake any time soon. She had tried to console him, but there wasn't anything she could do or say that could make things better and she hated that more than anything.
A chilly wind kicked up and she pulled her coat in closer, but she had no desire to go back in just yet. Dr. Rauch had performed several tests and she prayed that Will's blindness wasn't permanent, that something could be done. If it was mearly the cateracts that had formed over his eyes that was blocking his vision, then surgery, even a corneal transplant was still possible, but if it was his optical nerves that had been damaged as Ben suspected, then there was little that could be done.
The sound of her phone ringing in her pocket pulled her from her reverie and she pulled it out, drawing in a deep breath seeing the caller ID flash Dr. Rauch's name. Anxiously she flipped the cell open and answered.
“Ben, please tell me you have some good news.”
“Well Helen, I wish I could, but I'll put it to you bluntly.... I've been pouring over these test results, hoping that I would have something positive to tell you. But, as you already know just by looking at Will's eyes, the burns and scarring to his corneas are significant and after review of his results, I found that there is quite a bit of optical nerve damage as well."
Helen closed her eyes in dismay. As a physician, she knew that the body's nervous system has no ability to regenerate damaged nerves on it's own and with a million connections from the optical nerve of one eye to the brain alone, complete eye transplants just aren't possible yet.
“I'm sorry, Helen. Truly I am. I wish there was more I could do, but I don't think surgery is an option." He heard him sigh. "However, I've been doing some research into stem cell therapies for cases such as Will's, but it could still be many years before I have any sort of effective treatment in that area.”
“I understand, Ben.” She replied, barely able to hold back her frustration at the lack of treatment or surgery that could reverse Will's condition. She needed options and she knew the only way to find them was to search for them herself and when presented with a problem, she was never one to back down. “Would you be so kind as to send all of your test results to me so that I may go over them. Also, it would like to read your research as well.”
“Absolutely. I'll e-mail them to you as soon as I can. And once again, I'm sorry."
“Thank-you, Ben." She replied, unable to hold back the dismay in her voice.
“Don't mention it and... tell Will how sorry I am that I couldn't be of more help.”
“I'll do that.” She hung up the phone, her mind whirling from the news, but she wasn't ready to give up just yet. She made a silent vow then and there that she wouldn't stop searching for a way to cure Will. She owed him that much.
One week later:
“Dinner's ready.” Came a grunt from the door.
“Thanks, I'll take it in here.” Helen responded without looking up from her computer screen.
Seeing the untouched tray of food Big-foot had brought to her for lunch still sitting where he had left it by her side, her hairy assistant shook his head and walked across the lab to retrieve it.
“If I bring it will you eat it?”He asked, picking up the tray.
“Oh...I guess I got caught up in my work and forgot to eat my lunch. I've been studying Dr. Rauch's research, it's very promising so far and he theorizes that one might be able to regenerate nerve cells by blocking the glial scar from forming which normally blocks the nerves from reproducing, however....” Helen looked up with a small grin, but let it fade seeing the disapproving face staring back at her. “I'm sorry. I'm sure your lunch was as delicious as always and I promise to eat all of my dinner.”
“You've been working non-stop in here all week. You should join the rest of us for dinner and take a break.”
“I'd love to, but there's just so much to do.”
He merely responded by giving her a look that told that he wouldn't take 'no' for an answer.
“Then again, I suppose a short break may be in order, then I can return to this with fresh eyes.” The big-guy nodded with a grunt and wordlessly headed for the door as Helen stood and stretched out the cramps in her muscles that had formed from spending so much time sitting in front of her computer. She really would have rather spent more time on her research, but a noisy grumble from her stomach made it clear that dinner couldn't wait.
As she entered into the dining room, Henry and Kate suddenly stopped their latest argument regarding the young woman's cleaning habits and both looked up in surprise to see her. Normally, Helen relished dinner time with her colleagues, it was a time to catch up on the goings-on around the sanctuary, a time to enjoy each other's company and form closer bonds with her friends. However, her focus had been almost entirely on finding a way to help Will for the last week so much that she had often had to forgo it in favor of doing more research. By the looks Kate and Henry were giving her, it was obvious that she had been away for too long.
“Hi, Magnus.” Henry greeted with a grin as she took her seat at the table.
“Henry, Kate.” She nodded and returned the greeting just as Bigfoot walked in with the food and began to serve everyone.
Helen noticed the empty chair and asked. “Will won't be joining us tonight?”
Glances were exchanged between Henry and Kate and from Kate to the Big-guy who just shook his head with a grunt. There silent communication led Helen to conclude that she truly had spent too much time in her lab the last week and she now regretted that she hadn't joined everyone else sooner.
“Will hasn't been coming to dinner since...you know.” Henry informed her, recalling the first night after he had been told that the nerve damage done to his eyes was most likely permanent. He had come to dinner then on the insistence of Helen, but he had been self-conscious and embarrassed especially when he accidentally toppled over a glass while trying to reach for it. He asked to be led back to his room for the night after that, claiming to be full when everyone knew otherwise.
“I see.” It was silent across the table as everyone ate until Helen noticed that Henry was fixing her with a hard stare. Henry had felt the absense of Helen most keenly as she locked herself away with her studies. He understood her need to help Will, but at the same time, he had felt somewhat abandoned as he tried to help his friend come to terms with his blindness. But in the last few days, Will seemed to be withdrawing himself more and more, slipping into a dark depression and despondency. And today when Henry had come to visit, it was as though Will was barely tolerating his presence and after only a few minutes, Will claimed to be tired and asked to be left alone. Now Henry was worried and unsure of how to help anymore.
“Something wrong, Henry?”
Henry shifted around in his seat before answering trying to think of a way to put things that wouldn't upset Magnus. “Yeah...it's Will. He's in a really bad way, Magnus.”
“I know...this would be tough on anyone.”
“It's not just that...I mean you know how he was before. The way he could spot things that others couldn't was kinda spooky, ya know? And now that's gone, that's got to mess with a guy's head.”
“Yeah.” Kate joined in. “He always did have that freaky eye thing going for him.”
“This has got to the worst thing that could have happened to a guy like him" Henry continued. "And lately it's like...I don't know..like he's giving up. He just lays in his room, never comes out and today..he was so depressed that-" Henry gulped a little and could hardly bring himself to say what he was truly concerned about, that Will might be on the verge of doing something terrible to himself. "I'm worried that I just don't know how to help him anymore. You got to talk to him Magnus, I know that you've been pretty determined to find a cure for him, but-”
“Yes Henry, I understand.” Helen replied, seeing Henry's distress over the situation and picking up on his fears, feeling guilty all over again for allowing her research to become an obsession that had taken her focus off of her friend. She had failed him yet again. She thought she had been helping, but she had lost sight of the real problem.
“I shall speak to him after dinner.” She promised.
XXXXXXX
Will lay on his side, wrapped in a blanket. That is where he had spent the majority of his days since he lost his eyesight, each one blending into the next in an endless parade that saw no end. The darkness truly had taken hold of him and there was no escaping it. In his dreams he could still see in vibrant colors, but even those had turned on him as his recurring nightmares that had all but vanished since he came to work for the sanctuary, had returned with a vengeance. Even sleep was becoming less of a reprieve from his misery.
Magnus had been very insistent after she told him about the nerve damage to his eyes that she would find a solution and have him seeing once again, but even a brilliant and dedicated scientist like herself had limits. While he had no doubt that she would do her best and explore every possible route to help him regain his vision, he was resigned to the fact that he would never see again.
He hadn't had much of an appetite and his dinner sat cold beside of him, but he was thirsty and the need for water finally compelled him to sit up. Feeling around for where the tray of food the big-guy had left for him on his nightstand, he fumbled around until his hands touched the smooth glass. However, his hands failed to make a good connection with it and it tipped over, spilling it's contents all over the tray.
“Shit.” He murmured to himself in frustration as even the simplest tasks had become so difficult. Still thirsty, he grabbed the now empty glass and made up his mind to head to the bathroom sink to refill it. Swinging his legs off the edge of the bed, his bare feet touched the floor but unbeknown to him, a puddle of water from the spilled glass had landed on the floor and with his first step he felt himself slip. As his hands flung out to steady himself from falling, the glass slipped out of his hand and landed with a crash onto the hardwood floor, shattering on impact.
“Goddammit!” He hurled out in anger at himself and at dark that kept him from even being able to even get a glass of water for himself. He sank down along the edge of the bed to the floor, the proverbial straw on the camel's back had broken him and he gave into the misery of his situation, drawing his knees, he clasped them tightly to his chest.
God, he thought. He was so useless. What was he to do now? Definitely his career would be over and there wasn't any way he could still be of any use to Magnus. How was he to read people or track abnormals like she needed him to do before when he couldn't even get himself a glass of water?
He sat for several minutes until he released his hands from his knees and slid his legs out in front. He hadn't realized that his feet were sliding directly into the broken glass on the floor until he felt a large shard pierce his bare foot.
“Ah! F---!” He swore again, jerking his foot back. Grabbing his ankle towards him, he pulled the shard out of his foot. Ignoring the pain and the sticky mess his blood was making, he held the piece of glass in his fingers, feeling its sharp edges. He sat for quite a while, just holding that broken glass in his hand, thinking about how easily it had cut him and how easy it would be to do it again. Two straight lines across the skin of his wrists would be all it would take to end all of this, he thought. But he would never have the guts to go through with it. He was in a state where he was too afraid to live like this, but too scared to do anything about it.
He was so entrenched in his own thoughts and despondency that he failed to hear the door being opened.
“Will?” A soft voice asked but he didn't respond.
Helen walked in when Will didn't answer and saw the back of his head from the opposite side of the bed.
“Are you alright?” She asked, walking around to where he sat silently. When she came near, she gave a sharp intake of breath. Will sat on the bare, wood floor with one leg stretched out and the other foot propped up on his opposite thigh, covered in blood and dripping into a small puddle on the floor. Will seemed to be in some of daze, his cloudy eyes staring sightlessly ahead, red rimmed and swollen still from his wounds. His fingers probed along the edges of a large shard of glass. From the angle with which he held it, she panicked a little, thinking that he was on the verge of cutting himself.
“Will! What are doing?” She crouched beside him. He startled at the sound of her voice, snapping out of his reverie and dropped the glass. “What happened?” She asked.
“Magnus?...” he began, stumbling over his words in embarrassment, hanging his head in shame and exhaustion. He felt drained. “I ...uh...dropped a glass.”
“I see that.” She said as she grabbed a napkin from his food tray and used it staunch the blood. “It's a deep cut. You might need a stitch or two.” She grabbed his arm to help him up. “C'mon, Let's get you to the infirmary and patch this up.”
“No!” He with more force than was necessary, shrugging out of her hold. Immediately he felt ashamed for his outburst, but the thought of leaving the safety and shelter of his room and exposing himself to the pity of the others in the manor was almost too much for him to bear. “Sorry....Can't we just stay here?”
Helen was perplexed by his behavior, but went along with his request, leaving him for a moment to call Bigfoot for a med-kit and to collect a towel from the bathroom to clean up Will's foot.
She sat down beside Will again and he was silent and unnaturally subdued as she tended to him. He seemed to hardly move a muscle as Bigfoot arrived and delivered the med-kit to Helen. Bigfoot looked to her questioningly, wanting to help but she waved him off and he left the room. She carefully stitched up his cut then dressed it with a bandage. When she was finished he remained in the same position he had when she first came in. His face held a sadness and grief that she had seen before many times herself in the mirror after she had seen friend after friend die over the years, even her own daughter. It was the look of a loss so profound that it failed description. She reached a hand out to touch his shoulder and he flinched slightly at her unexpected consoling touch, but relaxed as she gripped it tighter.
“Will....”
“Don't, Magnus.” He shook his head in dejection.
“Don't what?”
“Don't try to make me feel better, I don't want your pity. Don't tell me that everything is going to be alright, because it's not...ever. You and I both know that.”
“We don't know that Will. I'm doing my best to find a cure for you.”
“Why? What's the point?” He asked in a rising voice, letting the anger go unchecked. “Why can't you just accept that I'm going to be like this for the rest of my life. I have, you should too.”
“I refuse to accept that Will. The answer is out there. I know it.” She argued back.
“Know you don't.” He nearly shouted pronouncing each word with percussive agitation.
Helen was taken aback by his vehemence and anger. She backed up a little and let her hand drop from his shoulder with a defeated sigh.
Will's head bowed and he closed his eyes, breathing heavily from the outburst as an exhaustion overtook him. He hadn't meant to be so harsh to her, but he just couldn't hold it back anymore. He had been holding it in for so long now and he was tired from the effort.
His despair hung like a cloak between the two of them and the two were silent. Helen thought at first that it might be best to just leave him and give him some time alone, but she knew that his self-imposed isolation would only make matters worse. She crept closer to him, sidling up to his side so they sat shoulder to shoulder.
“Don't give up now, Will.” She pleaded soothingly.
“How?” He asked, his voice rasping as his breath caught against the constriction closing in on his throat. He fought against the tears that pricked behind his eyes, but the tide was coming up and when Magnus wrapped her arms around him, he was powerless to stop the dam from bursting. The warmth of her body as she held him, even the smell of her hair, suddenly brought back another memory from long ago, to another time when he was hurting; the day she rescued him, but failed to save his mother. He didn't want to think about that, but that memory's image combined with the onslaught of emotion made him feel as helpless and lost as he had been at eight years old and suddenly all alone in the world.
He felt her hold him closer and the last, tightly wound string holding his control in check snapped and he fell into her embrace, burying his face into her shoulder as he let the tears and sobs came unbidden. He allowed the torrent to come, soaking Magnus' shirt, but she paid it no mind, knowing that this release was something he needed
“I can't so this, Magnus.” he sniffed softly as the waves of tears continued. She held him tighter.
“Yes you can. We'll do it together.”
TBC...
( Part IV )
Part III
Helen sat on the roof watching the lights of the city sparkle down below. It was a view that normally calmed her and gave her a great sense of peace and allowed her thoughts to gather, but tonight she had found little solace here. After returning from the disastrous consult with Dr. Rauch, Will had gone to his room, wanting nothing but to be left alone, so she had come up to the roof to think. However, her persistent, gnawing guilt ate at her from the inside out, Will was blind and she shared a blame in that. He had been a wreck in the doctor's office, but had managed to pull himself together enough for them to get a good look at his eyes. She was haunted still by his look of anguish on his face and the silent tears that he shed when he first opened his lids and revealed the white scarred and cloudy eyes underneath, it was an image she would not be able to shake any time soon. She had tried to console him, but there wasn't anything she could do or say that could make things better and she hated that more than anything.
A chilly wind kicked up and she pulled her coat in closer, but she had no desire to go back in just yet. Dr. Rauch had performed several tests and she prayed that Will's blindness wasn't permanent, that something could be done. If it was mearly the cateracts that had formed over his eyes that was blocking his vision, then surgery, even a corneal transplant was still possible, but if it was his optical nerves that had been damaged as Ben suspected, then there was little that could be done.
The sound of her phone ringing in her pocket pulled her from her reverie and she pulled it out, drawing in a deep breath seeing the caller ID flash Dr. Rauch's name. Anxiously she flipped the cell open and answered.
“Ben, please tell me you have some good news.”
“Well Helen, I wish I could, but I'll put it to you bluntly.... I've been pouring over these test results, hoping that I would have something positive to tell you. But, as you already know just by looking at Will's eyes, the burns and scarring to his corneas are significant and after review of his results, I found that there is quite a bit of optical nerve damage as well."
Helen closed her eyes in dismay. As a physician, she knew that the body's nervous system has no ability to regenerate damaged nerves on it's own and with a million connections from the optical nerve of one eye to the brain alone, complete eye transplants just aren't possible yet.
“I'm sorry, Helen. Truly I am. I wish there was more I could do, but I don't think surgery is an option." He heard him sigh. "However, I've been doing some research into stem cell therapies for cases such as Will's, but it could still be many years before I have any sort of effective treatment in that area.”
“I understand, Ben.” She replied, barely able to hold back her frustration at the lack of treatment or surgery that could reverse Will's condition. She needed options and she knew the only way to find them was to search for them herself and when presented with a problem, she was never one to back down. “Would you be so kind as to send all of your test results to me so that I may go over them. Also, it would like to read your research as well.”
“Absolutely. I'll e-mail them to you as soon as I can. And once again, I'm sorry."
“Thank-you, Ben." She replied, unable to hold back the dismay in her voice.
“Don't mention it and... tell Will how sorry I am that I couldn't be of more help.”
“I'll do that.” She hung up the phone, her mind whirling from the news, but she wasn't ready to give up just yet. She made a silent vow then and there that she wouldn't stop searching for a way to cure Will. She owed him that much.
One week later:
“Dinner's ready.” Came a grunt from the door.
“Thanks, I'll take it in here.” Helen responded without looking up from her computer screen.
Seeing the untouched tray of food Big-foot had brought to her for lunch still sitting where he had left it by her side, her hairy assistant shook his head and walked across the lab to retrieve it.
“If I bring it will you eat it?”He asked, picking up the tray.
“Oh...I guess I got caught up in my work and forgot to eat my lunch. I've been studying Dr. Rauch's research, it's very promising so far and he theorizes that one might be able to regenerate nerve cells by blocking the glial scar from forming which normally blocks the nerves from reproducing, however....” Helen looked up with a small grin, but let it fade seeing the disapproving face staring back at her. “I'm sorry. I'm sure your lunch was as delicious as always and I promise to eat all of my dinner.”
“You've been working non-stop in here all week. You should join the rest of us for dinner and take a break.”
“I'd love to, but there's just so much to do.”
He merely responded by giving her a look that told that he wouldn't take 'no' for an answer.
“Then again, I suppose a short break may be in order, then I can return to this with fresh eyes.” The big-guy nodded with a grunt and wordlessly headed for the door as Helen stood and stretched out the cramps in her muscles that had formed from spending so much time sitting in front of her computer. She really would have rather spent more time on her research, but a noisy grumble from her stomach made it clear that dinner couldn't wait.
As she entered into the dining room, Henry and Kate suddenly stopped their latest argument regarding the young woman's cleaning habits and both looked up in surprise to see her. Normally, Helen relished dinner time with her colleagues, it was a time to catch up on the goings-on around the sanctuary, a time to enjoy each other's company and form closer bonds with her friends. However, her focus had been almost entirely on finding a way to help Will for the last week so much that she had often had to forgo it in favor of doing more research. By the looks Kate and Henry were giving her, it was obvious that she had been away for too long.
“Hi, Magnus.” Henry greeted with a grin as she took her seat at the table.
“Henry, Kate.” She nodded and returned the greeting just as Bigfoot walked in with the food and began to serve everyone.
Helen noticed the empty chair and asked. “Will won't be joining us tonight?”
Glances were exchanged between Henry and Kate and from Kate to the Big-guy who just shook his head with a grunt. There silent communication led Helen to conclude that she truly had spent too much time in her lab the last week and she now regretted that she hadn't joined everyone else sooner.
“Will hasn't been coming to dinner since...you know.” Henry informed her, recalling the first night after he had been told that the nerve damage done to his eyes was most likely permanent. He had come to dinner then on the insistence of Helen, but he had been self-conscious and embarrassed especially when he accidentally toppled over a glass while trying to reach for it. He asked to be led back to his room for the night after that, claiming to be full when everyone knew otherwise.
“I see.” It was silent across the table as everyone ate until Helen noticed that Henry was fixing her with a hard stare. Henry had felt the absense of Helen most keenly as she locked herself away with her studies. He understood her need to help Will, but at the same time, he had felt somewhat abandoned as he tried to help his friend come to terms with his blindness. But in the last few days, Will seemed to be withdrawing himself more and more, slipping into a dark depression and despondency. And today when Henry had come to visit, it was as though Will was barely tolerating his presence and after only a few minutes, Will claimed to be tired and asked to be left alone. Now Henry was worried and unsure of how to help anymore.
“Something wrong, Henry?”
Henry shifted around in his seat before answering trying to think of a way to put things that wouldn't upset Magnus. “Yeah...it's Will. He's in a really bad way, Magnus.”
“I know...this would be tough on anyone.”
“It's not just that...I mean you know how he was before. The way he could spot things that others couldn't was kinda spooky, ya know? And now that's gone, that's got to mess with a guy's head.”
“Yeah.” Kate joined in. “He always did have that freaky eye thing going for him.”
“This has got to the worst thing that could have happened to a guy like him" Henry continued. "And lately it's like...I don't know..like he's giving up. He just lays in his room, never comes out and today..he was so depressed that-" Henry gulped a little and could hardly bring himself to say what he was truly concerned about, that Will might be on the verge of doing something terrible to himself. "I'm worried that I just don't know how to help him anymore. You got to talk to him Magnus, I know that you've been pretty determined to find a cure for him, but-”
“Yes Henry, I understand.” Helen replied, seeing Henry's distress over the situation and picking up on his fears, feeling guilty all over again for allowing her research to become an obsession that had taken her focus off of her friend. She had failed him yet again. She thought she had been helping, but she had lost sight of the real problem.
“I shall speak to him after dinner.” She promised.
XXXXXXX
Will lay on his side, wrapped in a blanket. That is where he had spent the majority of his days since he lost his eyesight, each one blending into the next in an endless parade that saw no end. The darkness truly had taken hold of him and there was no escaping it. In his dreams he could still see in vibrant colors, but even those had turned on him as his recurring nightmares that had all but vanished since he came to work for the sanctuary, had returned with a vengeance. Even sleep was becoming less of a reprieve from his misery.
Magnus had been very insistent after she told him about the nerve damage to his eyes that she would find a solution and have him seeing once again, but even a brilliant and dedicated scientist like herself had limits. While he had no doubt that she would do her best and explore every possible route to help him regain his vision, he was resigned to the fact that he would never see again.
He hadn't had much of an appetite and his dinner sat cold beside of him, but he was thirsty and the need for water finally compelled him to sit up. Feeling around for where the tray of food the big-guy had left for him on his nightstand, he fumbled around until his hands touched the smooth glass. However, his hands failed to make a good connection with it and it tipped over, spilling it's contents all over the tray.
“Shit.” He murmured to himself in frustration as even the simplest tasks had become so difficult. Still thirsty, he grabbed the now empty glass and made up his mind to head to the bathroom sink to refill it. Swinging his legs off the edge of the bed, his bare feet touched the floor but unbeknown to him, a puddle of water from the spilled glass had landed on the floor and with his first step he felt himself slip. As his hands flung out to steady himself from falling, the glass slipped out of his hand and landed with a crash onto the hardwood floor, shattering on impact.
“Goddammit!” He hurled out in anger at himself and at dark that kept him from even being able to even get a glass of water for himself. He sank down along the edge of the bed to the floor, the proverbial straw on the camel's back had broken him and he gave into the misery of his situation, drawing his knees, he clasped them tightly to his chest.
God, he thought. He was so useless. What was he to do now? Definitely his career would be over and there wasn't any way he could still be of any use to Magnus. How was he to read people or track abnormals like she needed him to do before when he couldn't even get himself a glass of water?
He sat for several minutes until he released his hands from his knees and slid his legs out in front. He hadn't realized that his feet were sliding directly into the broken glass on the floor until he felt a large shard pierce his bare foot.
“Ah! F---!” He swore again, jerking his foot back. Grabbing his ankle towards him, he pulled the shard out of his foot. Ignoring the pain and the sticky mess his blood was making, he held the piece of glass in his fingers, feeling its sharp edges. He sat for quite a while, just holding that broken glass in his hand, thinking about how easily it had cut him and how easy it would be to do it again. Two straight lines across the skin of his wrists would be all it would take to end all of this, he thought. But he would never have the guts to go through with it. He was in a state where he was too afraid to live like this, but too scared to do anything about it.
He was so entrenched in his own thoughts and despondency that he failed to hear the door being opened.
“Will?” A soft voice asked but he didn't respond.
Helen walked in when Will didn't answer and saw the back of his head from the opposite side of the bed.
“Are you alright?” She asked, walking around to where he sat silently. When she came near, she gave a sharp intake of breath. Will sat on the bare, wood floor with one leg stretched out and the other foot propped up on his opposite thigh, covered in blood and dripping into a small puddle on the floor. Will seemed to be in some of daze, his cloudy eyes staring sightlessly ahead, red rimmed and swollen still from his wounds. His fingers probed along the edges of a large shard of glass. From the angle with which he held it, she panicked a little, thinking that he was on the verge of cutting himself.
“Will! What are doing?” She crouched beside him. He startled at the sound of her voice, snapping out of his reverie and dropped the glass. “What happened?” She asked.
“Magnus?...” he began, stumbling over his words in embarrassment, hanging his head in shame and exhaustion. He felt drained. “I ...uh...dropped a glass.”
“I see that.” She said as she grabbed a napkin from his food tray and used it staunch the blood. “It's a deep cut. You might need a stitch or two.” She grabbed his arm to help him up. “C'mon, Let's get you to the infirmary and patch this up.”
“No!” He with more force than was necessary, shrugging out of her hold. Immediately he felt ashamed for his outburst, but the thought of leaving the safety and shelter of his room and exposing himself to the pity of the others in the manor was almost too much for him to bear. “Sorry....Can't we just stay here?”
Helen was perplexed by his behavior, but went along with his request, leaving him for a moment to call Bigfoot for a med-kit and to collect a towel from the bathroom to clean up Will's foot.
She sat down beside Will again and he was silent and unnaturally subdued as she tended to him. He seemed to hardly move a muscle as Bigfoot arrived and delivered the med-kit to Helen. Bigfoot looked to her questioningly, wanting to help but she waved him off and he left the room. She carefully stitched up his cut then dressed it with a bandage. When she was finished he remained in the same position he had when she first came in. His face held a sadness and grief that she had seen before many times herself in the mirror after she had seen friend after friend die over the years, even her own daughter. It was the look of a loss so profound that it failed description. She reached a hand out to touch his shoulder and he flinched slightly at her unexpected consoling touch, but relaxed as she gripped it tighter.
“Will....”
“Don't, Magnus.” He shook his head in dejection.
“Don't what?”
“Don't try to make me feel better, I don't want your pity. Don't tell me that everything is going to be alright, because it's not...ever. You and I both know that.”
“We don't know that Will. I'm doing my best to find a cure for you.”
“Why? What's the point?” He asked in a rising voice, letting the anger go unchecked. “Why can't you just accept that I'm going to be like this for the rest of my life. I have, you should too.”
“I refuse to accept that Will. The answer is out there. I know it.” She argued back.
“Know you don't.” He nearly shouted pronouncing each word with percussive agitation.
Helen was taken aback by his vehemence and anger. She backed up a little and let her hand drop from his shoulder with a defeated sigh.
Will's head bowed and he closed his eyes, breathing heavily from the outburst as an exhaustion overtook him. He hadn't meant to be so harsh to her, but he just couldn't hold it back anymore. He had been holding it in for so long now and he was tired from the effort.
His despair hung like a cloak between the two of them and the two were silent. Helen thought at first that it might be best to just leave him and give him some time alone, but she knew that his self-imposed isolation would only make matters worse. She crept closer to him, sidling up to his side so they sat shoulder to shoulder.
“Don't give up now, Will.” She pleaded soothingly.
“How?” He asked, his voice rasping as his breath caught against the constriction closing in on his throat. He fought against the tears that pricked behind his eyes, but the tide was coming up and when Magnus wrapped her arms around him, he was powerless to stop the dam from bursting. The warmth of her body as she held him, even the smell of her hair, suddenly brought back another memory from long ago, to another time when he was hurting; the day she rescued him, but failed to save his mother. He didn't want to think about that, but that memory's image combined with the onslaught of emotion made him feel as helpless and lost as he had been at eight years old and suddenly all alone in the world.
He felt her hold him closer and the last, tightly wound string holding his control in check snapped and he fell into her embrace, burying his face into her shoulder as he let the tears and sobs came unbidden. He allowed the torrent to come, soaking Magnus' shirt, but she paid it no mind, knowing that this release was something he needed
“I can't so this, Magnus.” he sniffed softly as the waves of tears continued. She held him tighter.
“Yes you can. We'll do it together.”
TBC...
( Part IV )
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Date: 2010-01-20 02:35 pm (UTC)From: